Today is going to be a rough day. Today I would have been 20 weeks pregnant with the twins. We would know that one of our twins is a little girl, what DH has always wanted. We would have the nursery painted and we would have bought furniture. We would be busy getting everything ready for the two new bundles of joy that would be coming very soon.
We would be looking into a bigger SUV, college funds, how in the world we were going to raise two babies. We would have figured it out. We would have taken it one day at a time and would be loving my big belly.
At 20 weeks we would be holding our breath that we could make it 4 more weeks because at that point we would have reached viability and our twins would have had a chance of life. We would be planning when would make a trip back home for a baby shower. Our whole world would be different.
But, here we sit. 12 long and painful weeks later and we have nothing. We don't have our twins. We don't have the baby we lost in January that would be due in 10 weeks.
All we have is a waiting game. Waiting for the 13th when I will have my RPL testing. Waiting to see if I will ovulate this month. Waiting to see what the results of my RPL testing will be. Waiting to see how messed up my body is from the D&C&E.
I'm still very angry. I still cry several times a week. I'm still very hurt and confused. I feel defeated.
Today is a hard day. Today is the halfway mark of something I no longer have.
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Ahh, the "Would be" game - I know it well. I hope you get some answers from the RPL testing, that O on your own soon and that your waiting doesn't last long. ((Hugs))
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ReplyDeleteDays like these suck!
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I know days like this really stink. I hope this waiting game goes fast for you and I'll be thinking of ya ((big hugs))
ReplyDelete((hugs)) I am so sorry. I just realized yesterday was my 6 month mark. I tried to post about it thinking it would make me feel better. It didnt. I cried so hard I couldnt even finish. : (
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you're going through this. The waiting game sucks big time. I hope the wait is a quick one for you and that you get some answers really soon. ((Hugs))
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